When I was at university, I was single minded in my passion for astronomy and understanding the Universe. I got a 1st class degree in Astrophysics from University College London, went on to get a PhD, then worked as a professional astronomer winning fellowships in the UK and Germany and publishing a slew of scientific papers.
But despite my outward academic success, I knew something wasn’t right. At 25 I’d never had a romantic relationship, and my relationships with my family were formal at best and at times hurtful. My mum recommended that I start seeing a psychotherapist, which I did. I also started practising Zen and began a daily meditation habit which continues to this day.
Through the lenses of psychotherapy, yoga and meditation, I started to discover the behavioural patterns that I’d developed as a result of two traumatic events that had happened in my childhood: when I was a toddler, I was sexually abused by my father, and when I was 13 my mum and stepdad were in a car accident where he died and my mum lost three limbs. I realised how my unconscious had learned to hold people at arm’s length in order to protect myself from further hurt. I also uncovered a great deal of repressed anger and came to see how desperately I wanted to relate to people better.
Looking back now, I see that I used my academic work in astronomy as a distraction. My brain worked out that if I buried myself in study, I could avoid having to face the painful aspects of my life. And what better way to escape my earthly life than going to the furthest reaches of the cosmos?! The way I dealt with my trauma was certainly positive with regards to my academic work, but negatively affected large swathes of the rest of my live. I ended up very heady, emotionally distant, and with skewed priorities with regards to family and relationships.
The practice of mindfulness (the common thread in psychotherapy, yoga and meditation) allowed me to let all my emotions and feelings arise, be seen and acknowledged, but not judged as bad (or good). At its root, mindfulness is a technique for letting things be and letting things go. I recognised I couldn’t change the events that happened in the past; all I could do is see them and accept them for what they are – and by doing so I became increasingly content with how I was.
During my degree and research training, it felt like reason and logic (generally perceived to be a function of the brain) were held up as the ideals to strive for, while intuition and emotion (which are more body-centred) were not just put aside but actively discouraged. As a result I felt like, and was often treated like, a brain on legs!
It took me a long time – including a decision to shift gears out of astronomy and several years practising and teaching yoga and meditation, including a period as an ordained Zen monk – to consciously realise how out of balance I’d got. My perception that science was only about linear, intellectual thought covered a much deeper truth. I’d become a scientist because I was in awe of the Universe and was seeking to understand its hidden depths. Awe and wonder are not just thoughts, they’re embodied emotions. The reality was I’d become lost in logic, facts and the academic pressure to publish, and I’d forgotten the magic of just looking up at a starry sky.
But surely I’d taken up yoga and meditation in order to understand the hidden depths the Universe too – this time the inner universe of my mind. So I began to explore how I could bring these two pursuits together in such a way that helps us improve our wellness and better understand who we are in this vast Universe. So let’s explore a couple of practices you can do today to do just that.
Generating a sense of awe
Look up your favourite space image on the internet. Here’s a couple of examples that work well: Westerlund 2, NGC 6503. Make the images as big as you can on the screen and look at them as you would in an art gallery. Let your eyes explore and become aware of how you’re feeling as you observe. Allow yourself to be captivated by the beauty and magnificence of what you see. Read the caption if you want, and see how that added information changes what you feel or think. You might be dumbfounded, inspired, confused or simply awed; you might get an explosion of questions arising that you want to research immediately, or you might just sit quietly.
When we take time out of our hectic lives to appreciate the beauty of our Universe, it’s like hitting the pause button. We stop worrying about our todo lists and enter a timeless space that’s much more about feeling than thinking. A growing body of research shows that experiencing awe (the feeling we get in the presence of something vast) leads to a wide range of benefits to our wellbeing, including improvements in mood, satisfaction with life, a sense of generosity and feeling more connected.
Mindful stargazing
Choose a night when it’s reasonably clear and go outside. Sit or lie down and take a moment to relax your body. Look up and notice what you see. Just take a moment to observe. Try not to think about what you’re seeing or judge it to be good or bad, just look.
When you first go into the dark, it can take up to 15 minutes for the eyes to fully adjust. So as your pupils gradually dilate, notice how fainter stars slowly appear. There’s no need to look around. Just allow your eyes to be filled with the vista of the night sky.
If thoughts arise about what exactly you’re looking at (which constellation, what type of cloud, etc), or any other kind of thoughts arise, don’t worry. Put them aside. Simply do what you can to really immerse yourself in what you’re seeing.
Mark Westmoquette is an Astrophysicist, Zen Teacher and the author of Mindful Thoughts for Stargazers, Stars, and The Mindful Universe, about exploring the connection between astronomy and mindfulness. See more at markwestmoquette.co.uk
