We all have things that we are good at and not so good at. That’s just how it goes. None of us are ‘perfect’ and seeking to be so will only lead to disappointment. Self-esteem, like self-confidence, is how we regard our qualities and strengths. Good levels of self-esteem have us considering our strengths and flaws in a fair and balanced way; realistic and honest. Self-worth relates more to how we value ourselves and whether or not we consider ourselves to be lovable and worthy of good things.
So, with a good balance of both, we can know that we are imperfect and flawed, but also know that we remain worthy of love and good things.
If you feel you are lacking in these areas, you may feel like there is little you can do to change it, but this is not true. Here are some simple tips I have put together to help you feel good about yourself in the weeks and months ahead.
- Your Personal Statement. Write a list of everything you are good at and have achieved. It doesn’t matter whether this is career, education, family, or cooking skills. Whatever you consider being a personal attribute, write it down. Once you have everything written down, take the time to absorb it. That list is your personal statement of life. When you feel you have everything on there, put it somewhere you can look at it every day; your bedroom wall, wardrobe, anywhere you can see on a regular basis how great you are.
- Affirmations are your friend. This is a bit cheesy and may feel uncomfortable, but I guarantee you this is a brilliant hack and should be part of everyone’s daily routine. Create an affirming mantra to repeat to yourself regularly throughout the day, especially first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Even if you struggle with the concept, just go with me here.
By now you have your list of accomplishments and achievements. Seeing everything on paper like that, what can you say to yourself that will help to make you feel good about yourself? Whatever you want and whatever makes you smile. Keep it simple. Two or three statements that will make you smile every day. Try it. - Stop comparing yourself to others. Wow! We all need to remember this one right!? It’s so easy to look around and see others that are either doing it better than you, quicker than you or just doing what you’re not. But trust me, everyone is on their own journey and has had to do a load of work to get to where they are now. Plus, you literally have no idea at all what goes on behind closed doors. What may look bright, shiny, and wonderful on the outside is often a very different story behind closed doors. I’ve seen and heard it all. The very best thing that you can do to improve yourself, is to concentrate on being the best version of yourself. Nobody can do it better.
- Exercise will always be of benefit, no matter who you are or what your abilities are. There are so many reasons why exercise is good for you. It keeps your body fit and healthy, gets the blood pumping around, and strengthens your body inside and out. It releases a load of hormones called endorphins which not only keeps you pumped while you’re exercising but also reduces stress, anxiety, and depression as well as helping you to have good sleep hygiene.
Exercise gives you a fantastic sense of achievement which in turn will have a great effect on your self-esteem. Knowing that you have committed to an exercise plan, regardless of how big, small or frequent, will give you a wonderful sense of pride. No matter what your sense of personal fitness or ability, create an exercise goal and stick to it. - Who are the people you spend the most amount of time with? This is a really important thing to consider because we can very easily underestimate the energy of those that surround us. You’ll likely have heard of the concept that you are the average of the 5 people with who you spend the most amount of time with and this is so true. But we need to consider this not just in terms of our friends and family but also who we work with, who we regularly speak with, and what we read and consume in the media, including social media. All of this energy feeds how we view ourselves and whether or not we have people around us that encourage and support us, or limit and drain us. This is a great exercise to do and one I highly recommend. What are the messages you receive from those around you? Are you incredible, wonderful, compassionate, and determined or are you never satisfied, selfish, lazy, and stubborn? Surround yourself with people who sing your praises.
- Mindset. We always have a choice and that applies to everything we think as well as everything we do. If you approach life feeling defeated or incapable, that’s pretty much the outcome you’re going to get. None of us are brilliant at everything, that’s a fact. But we all have the ability to improve our skillset if we choose to do so. What is it you want to achieve? What is it you want to do better? Think back to your list at the beginning. What have you been able to achieve that you thought you couldn’t? When you consider that can’t do something because you either aren’t good enough, clever enough or fit enough, think about what you would tell your child or best friend if they approached life with the same attitude. We can’t complete big tasks or learn new skills overnight, but every day is an opportunity to take a small step towards a goal. Small steps achieved equal small improvements to confidence, and over time, those small steps have a big impact. Know that you can do whatever it is you want to do, as long as you approach it with the right attitude and mindset.
Pascale is a Therapeutic Relationship and Life Coach, the founder of the Surviving to Thriving membership group, and author of How to be Happy in Life and Love: A guide to living the life you Deserve. See more at www.youfulfilled.co.uk
