Poor communication
The biggest block for any relationship will always be poor communication. This is by far the most common thing that couples fall down on, and when this happens, the doors are open for all sorts of difficulties to arrive.
Good communication is something that is often at taken for granted and yet in all honesty, is one of the hardest things to achieve.
We might think that as long as we are talking to each other, we are good communicators, but there is far more to it than just that. Being able to understand our emotions and express them to our partner at all points of the relationship is essential, but this becomes so much harder when we enter into a period of conflict or difficulty. At these times it is easy to get into bad habits such as shouting, bickering, arguing, sulking, or thinking that the other one should know what we are thinking or feeling without explicitly expressing it.
Good communication is about being able to express difficult emotions in spite of them being hard. To express hurt, sadness, disappointment and to feel that we are being not only heard but understood and valued.
All relationships have ups and downs, but a solid, healthy relationship needs to be able to weather the storms and this can only be done when both partners are communicating effectively and respectfully with each other.
Emotional barriers/fear of getting hurt
This leads on from communication and can be complex in its own right. Emotional barriers are created as a way of protecting ourselves from being hurt. Here we can often look to our inner child (or teenager) to find the origin of such behaviors.
If we have been hurt in the past, it is only natural that we protect ourselves from being hurt again. That is after all how we learn as children not to touch hot things and put ourselves in dangerous situations. Heartache is no different and whether it be past love or a difficult family upbringing, those barriers are there for very good reason. The reality is that we can never truly find love if we aren’t willing to risk being hurt or vulnerable; trusting that even if you hurt each other, you will always love and support each other.
Lack of trust
I don’t see how any relationship can really go the distance if there is a fundamental lack of trust. Trust is everything in a relationship, regardless of whether that is around fidelity, honesty, or anything else. Trusting your partner and also trusting yourself, links strongly to unconditional love. When you really trust and love each other, you accept that even though things won’t always be easy, you have each other’s support. When a relationship lacks trust, that support cannot be relied on. The value of honesty and integrity is the cornerstone of most relationships. If they aren’t there, I believe the stability of the relationship is seriously compromised.
You are not accountable for the difficulties in the relationship
No matter what the situation, the simple fact is that there are two people in a relationship and as such both of you are responsible for the difficulties as well as the strengths. Some people really struggle with this and like to put all of the blame on just one person, but by virtue of it being a relationship, we have to consider that both people are responsible to a greater or lesser degree.
When difficulties arise, it is very rarely 100% on one person‘s shoulders. How relationships develop over time, habits form, taking each other for granted, communication difficulties, emotional barriers, or anything else can only be managed if the communication is good and effective and if both people take accountability for where they are at.
If you are able to do that, your relationship will likely go from strength to strength. Accountability, good communication, and trust are the building blocks to any good solid relationship. When we are able to consider that it takes two people to make a relationship as well as break it, is likely to last the distance.
